Communication
Texting pace is a compatibility question, not a test
Mismatched messaging rhythms cause a large share of early dating friction, and almost nobody names it out loud.
Perla Vasquez
Contributing writer, Talk Before You Swipe
Perla writes about long-term relationships and the logistics people underestimate.
Contact Perla through our contact page — mark your message for their attention and it will be passed on.
16 articles
Boundaries
Boundaries are things you do, not requests you make
A boundary is a statement about your own behaviour. That distinction is what makes it hold.
Boundaries
Consent is a conversation, and it continues
Treating consent as a single checkpoint misunderstands it. It is ongoing, specific, and revocable at any point.
Communication
Listening is a set of behaviours, not an attitude
People who are told they do not listen are usually paying attention. What is missing is visible on the outside.
Communication
Asking for reassurance directly beats testing for it
Tests are designed so that no answer passes. Asking the question you are actually asking is faster and works.
Communication
One pursues, one withdraws, and both think they are helping
The most common conflict pattern in couples is not a clash of opinions. It is a clash of two reasonable responses to stress.
Boundaries
Love bombing is a pace problem before it is anything else
Intense early attention is not automatically a warning. The signal is what happens when you slow it down.
Boundaries
Fear and control are a different situation from conflict
Ordinary relationship difficulty and coercive control are not points on the same scale. Telling them apart determines what help is…
Boundaries
Intimate images: consent does not end at the send button
Sending is a decision about trust, not about the image. What happens afterwards is governed by law in more places than people…
Boundaries
Sexual health conversations are logistics, not accusations
The conversation people dread takes ninety seconds and has a standard structure. Avoiding it is the only genuinely risky option.
Boundaries
Money boundaries in early dating
Financial entanglement can arrive before the relationship does. A few simple positions prevent almost all of the damage.
Boundaries
The ex who is still in the group chat
Continued contact with a former partner is not automatically a problem. The absence of an agreed position usually is.
Boundaries
Location sharing is convenient until it is not
Live location between partners solves real problems and creates new ones. Whether it works depends entirely on how it was agreed.
Communication
Teasing works until somebody has to explain it was a joke
Affectionate mockery is glue in some relationships and corrosion in others. The line is not where either person assumes it is.
Boundaries
Money that arrives with conditions attached
Financial support inside a relationship can be generous or it can be a lever. The difference shows in what happens afterwards.
Boundaries
Non-negotiables work better written down early
Almost everybody has two or three things they will not compromise on, and almost nobody has named them before they are tested.